Overload #31

A Productive Phase

Silence

Given moments
When our thoughts oppose our acts
Of fitting in
Of being placid and agreeable
And supporting the conversation flow with ease

No rupture or obstacle
But a mind overflowing with unresolved issues
Of things left unsaid

And brewing beneath the calm exterior
The inner self implodes with passion and longing
For catharsis without recrimination

A wounded heart
With no revelation
No dialogue
Just silence upon silence
Deaf to the expression of the soul
Blind to the panorama of possibilities.

– 20 June, 2003

My Love for You

Meeting you seemed normal then
Your integrity impressed
The haunting memory of your face lingered
and all too frequently surfaced
But our paths differed
And time passed into years of silence

Then my thoughts flowed toward you
As did my actions,
exploring a destiny unknown and untried
boldly transcending all boundaries

As awareness of your qualities evolved
My dependence on you grew
And my affection for you increased
My heart followed, albeit reluctantly at first

Respect for you was grounded in trust
and validated as love
A love with hope
that brought great joy
During the transition from selfishness
to selflessness
But a love that also brought fear

A love so utterly complete within itself
With an exquisite, but painful core
Of sublime passions unspent
And potential yet unrealised
Defined as the truth and essence of my being

Our lives have touched all too briefly,
but profoundly!
I shall never again experience such wholeness
You were my beginning and my end
Leaving me oblivious to the passage of time
And aware of timelessness itself!

And with tears that are dry before they can flow
My love for you remains as immunity enacted
to all other sources of human love

– 8 September, 2003

Salutations based on the story of Adele Hugo

Salutations to the object of my affliction
Of excessive love
Excessive fear
And excessive pain

Residing within a vacuum
Devoid of wisdom
Devoid of self power
A total slave to love
And a victim of fantasy

Many sleepless hours of contemplation
Hesitation
Fearing the worst
Avoiding the best
And not knowing
While existing in tender ignorance
And sublime misery!

Strangely elated in human suffering
With hope and faith as companions
In an aborted journey of non discovery
Paralysed by fear
And constant analysis

Could he possibly love me?
Just a little
Or, not at all!
All expectation suspended
By the certainty
of the uncertainty.

– 5 October, 2003

Words

Linguistic theatrics
Gymnastics
Circumlocution
Interrupted silences
Speaking softer than silence
Speaking louder than thoughts
Verbal creativity enacted
Generated

Exclamation
Demonstration
of intelligent flashes
of inspiration
Irritation
Feeling love
Hate
Profound anger

Mutual exchanges
Communication
Ideas expressed
Validated
or disproved
Finalized
Ended

– 9 November, 2003

Communication Breakdown

Our actions
Our reactions
Our disagreements
Evoked from denials of truth
of love and hate feelings
of built up resentment
of increasing anger perhaps
Constructing the wall of misunderstanding
Compounding the problem of miscommunication

Could we agree
not to agree?
Could we face the isolation
of being right in a wrong situation
of being wrong in a right circumstance?
Does there need to be a right or wrong?
Or a victor and loser?

Many unanswered questions
Which defy explanation
Many answers without questions
Which defy reason

Retreat then into an angry silence
With eyes that speak of pain
and disappointment
With stooped shoulders
expressing defeat
Promises of harmony denied
by excessive pride
and selfish inflexibility

– 9 November, 2003

Imminent Judgement

Anxiously waiting
Debating
Feeling tense
With suspense

Silent breaths
Intermittent
Shallow
Furtively stolen in hasty moments
With a dry throat
And a heavy heart

Emotions heightened
Somewhat frightened
Suspended in the surrealism
Of distorted time
And sounds

Faces blurred
Muffled voices
Visual images
Of black winged shadows
Which appear as
Unnatural
Alien even

All pretence of rationality
Crushed
Fragmented
Dispersed by the force of despair
And diminishing hope

Unprepared for truth
Ill-equipped for reality
Resigned to fate
Disempowered
and silenced

– 19 November, 2003

The Games People Play

The tension increases
As anguish grows
From ignorance of
the machinations of
Life’s Chess Game
Where winners make
Strategic conquests
Outmanoeuvring friends
Outsmarting the opposition
Manipulating words with reason
Tarnishing affection with insincerity
Applied power replacing love

Seasoned actions practised to perfection
The right time to display a smile
And a nod of agreement
Where accepted protocol is reinforced
Where similarities are endorsed
And prejudices applauded
And differences cast out
into the wilderness of social exclusion

Over time the similarities develop a pattern
Saturated with parameters of boredom
Manifested as comforts in life’s rations
Defined as the routine of being
While the essence lies dormant
and stagnates
Imprisoned by intricately spun webs
of criminal neglect

Imagination becomes blurred
Obscured by time and inconvenience
Relegated to the back-burner of adventure
Where even the stars become utilized
as tools of configurations and statistical data
in terms of calculating our insignificance
Instead of being observed in wonderment
for their magical magnificence

Life’s struggles become trivialized
as demonstrated incompetencies
Social injustices hastily adopted
as causes for the socially weary
Who hunger for yet
another battle
another attempt
to provide a balance
And to create a right from a wrong
Or identify what the wrong represents
in their dysfunctional existences

Life’s Chess Game
Tactical diversity of land sharks
Assisted by nocturnal time zones
As dark actions match their skins
In an all-consuming greed
Devouring victims with a ferocious need
of total conquest and dominance.

– 21 February, 2004