My God’s Name Is Andrena
LA TURQUOISE LEVANTE
(THE RISING TURQUOISE)
If the fields of boxes
Turned grey overnight, with
The seeds of birth sowing under them …
When the death of language is consummated.
Stridency – Mute! Before the bastille ears
Of working men and women …
If the perfumes of each and every flower
If an exploded minute fell under a split second
And each and every flower’s perfume
Amalgamated and then bloomed
… In endlessness!
When the beach reaches the shore
On the misty winds of shifting stars …
When the currents are swept away by the tide,
Everything in turmoil,
Everything expect the unreachable skies –
Piedmont to The Heaven.
And there, the visible unadulterated sky
Holding the birds.
Motivating them to spread their wings.
Nursing them from the breast of safety.
Releasing them from hurt.
No artificial affirmations
Chanting in the sounds of Sanskrit.
A loving azure sky; just – Holding the birds …
If every thought I ever had came to pass, manifested in my hands
And the life I lead, use … Pulled by levers and pulleys –
When I am willing to accept truth as true …
If my desires cease to be external …
When I am willing to drift,
REBECCA, the pillow beneath my head is reading my thoughts.
Burning comets dancing around the borders of forever reaching universes.
In sweet reflection of unity, of all the planets.
Behind them a row of chocolate seashells. White
Pearl white, bisque shinning inside sunbeams.
REBECCA, the pillow is reading my thoughts.
AIR (WINDOW MELTED – SECURITY) AIR! (CLAUSTROPHOBIC CONSCIENCE)
Rebecca, walk with me.
How could I behold you but in heaven?
Cut blades of fresh feral fuchsia fears
Falling from the sky, planting the blown seeds of wild flowers
Under Mother’s restful breast.
Soft, softer than the rainless cloud on a listless summer day.
(the fresh air of a quiet night, embroidered with knots of sanity)
Your perfect hand –
Step with step, I flow with the moment.
REBECCA, my clothes are needled in frozen yarn.
I feel a trembling chill against my skin –
A – weather – worn – body –
Ice trickling in the stone pebbles inside my temperate blood.
REBECCA, press the blessing heat of your
Saint hearted body through my sparkling arctic bones.
Warmed, pleased in peace.
I embrace your violet fire with my subdued gratefulness.
ORANGE COUNTY REVISITED
I went back to the science of my studies
The college of my youth, nestled in the womb of
A rusted Southern California derrick.
Pressed up against a cul-de-sac
The suburban salt breeze ran my back like a bolt of lightening
Splits the thunder in half.
Striking at the very heart of my intentions
The desolate scenery brought back vivid memories.
( a hazel-eyed boy
swinging higher than he should
his dreams floating away from him
(to be an actor, to conquer the world,
to be worshipped, to be understood)
swinging higher to catch his evaporating dreams
swinging higher then he should
propelling thru the air
landing on the cement, his dreams gone
He, just lying there )
The slow mannerisms of the society
Hypnotized my thinking
And I phlegmatically stared at the sky with a coronagraph
And I saw my slightly aged face reflecting back.
(Bravery embedded into my soul. No denial. No denial)
I felt the pain of stone crushed against
My toes, as the rolling rock of perpetual movement
Collided into my step – “!” –
…! The impossible happened, (impossibly)
(“THE WAIT ENDED”)
But the culture had stripped me of my knowledge
And I saw it only as a phenomenon.
The despondent eyes I had looked to repent
Captured me in the mist of awaken sleep.
“Disassociated” – Retarded – Neotenic
I realized the dream was over –
Yet, I dreamed on.
(all my powers of manifestation, stolen –
off with the instant. Still I chose to dream on. Dreaming)
Hot pavement listening to the dragging of my blistered feet,
A cologne bottle breathed heavy it’s broken flower
Beside my wanting nose.
…! The impossible happened, again (remarkably)
… THE TIME HAD COME (a second time)
If Now … (and the seconds tick off)
Yes – If Now … (and the seconds tick off)
Now!! Precisely … Right Now! (and the seconds tick off)
The goal obtained, I would be whole
– but the rainbow; but the pot of gold …
– (with everything at the fingertips of my tongue)
Stone, I became stone.
Sanguinolent sun falling from Shamash’s arms,
How can I believe our tasteless education?
Painted wall, pretty in appearance – with deception fulfilled
Shared by my own sight.
I don’t want to know anything I see.
I reject the myths of travel.
I could run until I am out of breath
Drinking the waters of every fresh sea,
Reading every book of every library
And what would I have?
Maybe I shall run – travel to the end of this conclusion.
Weaken in promises, cancered in perceptions.
This is not! a life, an illusion, that is all it is.
Each day, and every minute in each day,
And every instant that each minute holds,
I but relive the instant when
Terror replaced love.
And so I die each day to live again,
Until I cross the gap between the past
And the present.
Such is each life; a seeming interval from birth to death
And on to life again,
A repetition of an instant gone by long ago
That cannot be relived.
And all of time is but the mad belief
That what is over
Is still here and now.
Andrena, how long will I wait?
Love! I call you name. If I vociferously scream it out in pain,
I understand that act will be nothing more than
Love. With all my heart. Take it away.
My heart, how ingenious – if not brilliant
Trying to hide me from myself
– I climb on this limb to grin (grinning) from myself (grinning)
– I don’t want it.
Do you think me a liar?
Joy? I hear you, disassociated in the proper circles.
WHAT IS IT I SAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ANDRENA, HOW MUCH LONGER WILL I WAIT
Again – JOY! I am lost.
But you see,
Maybe I know where I am, and maybe that is the “Lost”
I consider “Home.”
Love. I turn to you.
Zeuses? For what.
The aging of the body?
The power structure?
Andrena, let me not see. What I would see.
Andrena, what am I waiting for?
The fear of death, the idea of sin?